As the Theology class (and DPF) met on a cold friday near the rocks for Sarah Hall there was an anxious chill in the air, the atmosphere seemed to thicken with terror the closer Miss Hall got; we should have known then what was to come. Many students of SRH's and blog readers will know by now about the incident in a Didsbury tesco car park that, to put it lightly "shook Sarah up" and since that incident, the fear of going out in public alone is almost un-bearable. Never mind taking a group of teenagers on public transport to Manchester. (Note, this was not ordinary public transport, not like your casual 350 to Scouthead, or your 184 to Uppermill, no, this was a 83 to Manchester, taking a direct rout through Failsworth...) When the class hesitantly boarded the bus, it was clear things were going wrong, Sarah had left her money at school; coincidently and a reluctant Sophie Drews ended up paying for nearly all of the trip, there was a slight delay what with the wait for a certain editor to return from Cunninghams in search for a lighter, and on boarding the bus, Jenny Harrison and Lydia bravely (or should I say, stupidly) took seats at the back of the bus. Top deck.
Now, in putting all of these factors together, what was to come was almost inevitable. With SRH squashing up to Ellie Whoresfield (seen below) the shaky bus journey ventured forth. DPF looking out of place if anything on a bus with the rotten public of Oldham, the brick layers of society was first to judge those around us. No, it was not safe for anyone. We managed to handle the first half of the Journey safely, when suddenly "DON'T YOU CALL ME A SLAPPER" (with my eyes on my phone at this point, I could only assume it was Sophie Drews talking) but no, a "Slapper" and an "emo" were getting in to a fight at the back of the bus.
From what we can understand, from our representatives Jenny and Lydia, who were as previously mentioned, sat at the back of the but, there was a phone call about afflecks, a slip of the word emo and bright pink lipstick that were the start to this. Within minutes, a newspaper (the much loved metro; however may it be noted that DPF would not be associated with the love towards it) was thrown bouncing of the emo's head onto an old man. The man, standing up bellowed curses and anger at the slapper, whom was very apologetic, though the crippled man wouldn't hear any of it.
Sarah Hall at this point was almost in tears, with inappropriate comments coming from behind off video blogger Amy Kinsman, Miss Hall was trying to hold her breath. NO, there was not one moment where studying of the good semaritan took over, her righteous soul was staying locked up in that withered body of hers. Ensuring us that her staying put was for our own safety, SRH remained seated, quiet, and trembling with post traumatic flash backs to the dreaded day in Didsbury, I can only imagine that the words running through her head to calm herself down were "booty bounce, booty bounce, swim together swim jump."
As the fight carried on behind, it had began to get physical, a heroic black man (not unlike Martin Luther King, and very unlike Kombe) stood up, offering his advice to the emo that she goes downstairs. Why the bus driver didn't stop and attempt to peace make, I cannot fathom, but the emo, with blood all over her face slowly made her way down stairs "IM NO FUCKING SLAPPER, YOU EMO, THAT'S RIGHT RUN AWAY!" we could only sit and await Picadilly Gardens.
The bus was quiet from then on, with few words passing Sarah's chapped lips. In fact, the only moment to brake the silence was a misjudgement of flag on DPF's behalf, in seeing a car with a black flag out of the window, he assumed it could only be royalty. Only, it was actually a funeral procession. Sarah Hall laughed nervously, staring at her 50 year old twin at the front of the bus.
The bus came to the end of its route, for some reason, the "slapper" made a bizzare comment about people getting off the bus, and so, under SRH's strict orders we were to stay seated until she had left the bus, on leaving the bus, the slapper and her friend twatted Jenny Harrison on the back of the head, this was however an honest mistake, and the slapper seemed almost friendly in apologizing. Unaware of the emo being downstairs, we were forced to wait through another horrific vocal argument coming from the deck below, eventually, we made our way off the bus.
Whilst all discussing nervously about the horrific journey, the adrenalin pumped Sarah Hall could only leave us with one comment "well, I didn't risk assess that, its a good job it was none of you or I'd had have to have done something" knowing that she wouldn't have done a thing, we sniggered out way's to the library, with only one other incident in the near death of Sophie Drews and Ellie Whoresfield.
And on that note, I received an anonymous email earlier this week containing a photo of Whoresfield and her cronies. More evidence perhaps?
Lots of love and Christmas cheer, L x
P.S: Be sure to check out Sarah in "The Thrillers" performance in the BC talent show.
