Sarah's latest saga!

BREAKING NEWS!

SARAH HALL HAS BEEN LOCKED IN THE RS DEPARTMENT

Sarah was tidying out her back cupboard last Friday when the site team where doing their final 1/2 term checks. Whilst visiting each department, they saw Saz and decided to take revenge on her (after she moaned the NE block was too cold for 3 months, then complained when they turned the heating up last year) by locking the doors and thus her in. She has been surviving up there on nothing but Matzah bread and Filter Coffee.

Unfortunately the only person who holds a key to the department is Clare Jameson, who is on holidaying in Ireland getting ratted on Jamesons Irish Whiskey and Magners. Sarah is going to be locked in for the remainder of the week, her only contact with the outside world the temperamental email system.

She gave an exclusive interview to anticsofanathiest saying: "I feel like a Chilean Miner! Locked away from the outside world. I have been wearing the same accessories since last Friday. Dan hadn't noticed my gone until Sunday morning, when he put down the XBOX remote for his Buddha time. My IPHONE 4 has died and I can't access Facebook. All I have for warmth is my hair-straighteners. "

Big J, the fearless leader of BC said "Sarah is showing excellent character, and we are making a documentary on her for Auschwitz week! We are feeding her gin through a pipe in the roof, and slipping Jewish Mutzah bread under the door. She is having a thoroughly good time! May we all pray for her, even though she is a stinking atheist".

Come back tomorrow for another Sarah exclusive!

Much Love

DPF

Sarah Hall Fact of the Day

Part two of this 1/2 terms interesting facts about Sarah and it has to be said, not many of you will know this one!

Both being an avid member of the Conservative Party, Sarah and I share a range of similar attributes! We both dislike the same teachers, and love others (such as the delightful Miss Bayley and Bodders). We are also both TV personalities, Sarah being on teachers TV, and myself staring in Homes from Hell, I blame the bricklayer! We share the same gin type, Tanquray. The only difference is that Sarah was ' a child of the 90's, and hence a dirty druggy and piercing addict! Something she shares more closely with Samson and Trew Trew. Just like Luce, Sarah is also frequently pissed in class.

Come back tomorrow for more top tips and factoids on what we like to call, The Beast!

Much Love

DPF x

Missing Chocolates.

Though there has been many suspects and assumptions made about the missing treats in the halls of Blue Coat and also on the Sarah Hall appreciation group on facebook...

rumour has it that Ellie Whoresfield was seen grasping the bag of Cadbury's Caramels before leaving for the brook...

A reconstructed photography of what the villain
may have looked like.

L x

1/2 Term Entertainment

It's 1/2 term and Sarah is taking a well deserved break! Unfortunately this means that we don't get our daily dose of Sarah and hence we will be starting a new feature to last us these 10 days.

Little Known Facts about the Beast!

Factoid number one:

Sarah gets very protective over her possessions especially food. Although

being on a killer salary, she went crazy at Sophie Drews for munching

away on a Chuppa Chup lolly that she had saved for her year 10's,

and cause civil war within her department when the Cadbury's Caramels

went missing. But who did steal those chocolates? Answers on a post card please!

Come back tomorrow to find out more interesting facts about Sarah Hall!

Rehearsal Day 1

Day one of the mystery rehearsals has commenced with Sarah leading the way in the dancing.

Sarah like most wild creatures has incredibly sensitive ears and if the volume creeps one decibel too high she shrieks "turn it down, they're recording down there!!!!" similar to her desperate plea "I have guides I have guides".

She was very critical of our head girl claiming she was putting too much shoulder action into the routine.

Sarah clearly wasn't feeling herself today, she she looked like a normal teacher. She usually shares her wardrobe with the wild Nikki and Bayley but today she looked rather normal, as if she had slipped into one of Miss Whiskey's outfits?

Sarah has aired her concerns that our xmas performance is the day after college party - however judging from this recent on - non of us will have tickets to attend anyway!!

Come back tomorrow to see what type of mood Sarah is in on the last day of term, and an accessories breakdown!

Much love

DPF x

Fashion Crisis

Dear my beloved readers....

It's been a hard core weekend for the sensational Sarah.

On the Friday, me and Saz spent the afternoon in church, looking at dead bodies in the crypt. Me and the Irish one kicked our group into shape (literally) and she let hers run loose. It came the moment when she went outside, and took on a group of teens single-handed. The chav's picked up on her middle class swagger, and were quick to pounce. But Sarah has experience with these types - she was form tutor with BH11 and was involved in a car hijack situation. Before they had time to go "eeeyaaar" she whipped out her Kirpan and jabbed the alpha male in the eye! The children watched in amazement - "thank God for the Sikhs" she chanted! Religious Education has come alive since she took over the department!

Saturday kicked of with her and Claire (of the Irish Variety - damn the EU, she would have never got a Visa otherwise) going to some goonies party. Sarah was quick to tell us that she came 2nd for best dressed and second for best dancer - after having a dance off with - her words not mine - "a rather attractive man!" - Watch it Dan - Claire J is a bad influence! Sarah best dressed - pleaaaase!

She got so drunk she didn't make it home, and rocked up to school this morning still in her outfit. Pink triadic stars dangle from her ears, beads out of a Christmas cracker and that rather offensive Nazi dress - oh the irony. She was smashed on Babycham! And as the night progressed into Sunday morning she went hardcore, and necked a bottle of Methylated Spirit thus dying her hands purple! She longs for a student to need their passport forms signing so she can get another bottle of Gin out of her career!

Today back in NE24, she remembered that yet again she hadn't done a lesson plan. Realising she had exhausted the Vardy collection, she made her students sit in silence and complete a QMA.

We all wait eagerly for the events that will unfold tomorrow!

Much Love

DPF x

Good morning campers....

Firstly, could I please just point out to the anonymous blogger in the previous post - Sarah drinks Tanqueray not Bombay Sapphire - and as I write this blog now, I too am sat sipping a Tanqueray and tonic (with lots of Ice, glass rimmed with lime, squeeze in the glass and a slice of refreshing lemon), listening to Radio 2, immersing myself in Stuart Maconie! Heaven!!! But less about me, as this isn't the Antics of a Bricklayer blog!

Now, Sarah was looking a little chirpier today. After her night with the Girl Guides - "No I have guides, I have guides". She came in looking glowing, her night on the portable sun-bed had done her good.

But as we all know, when Sarah feels happy, she starts insulting the kids.

Period three came, and it was time for Philosophy. James Mayal entered "JAMES, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR" she asked insultingly. Then some fool mentioned the Hindu Dancer - "DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE HINDU DANCER - YESTERDAY WAS SHAMBOLIC, I NEARLY HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN".

The topic of conversation moved on to the shambolic, disgraceful farce of a cake sale that occurred today, that had to be cancelled because clearance wasn't gained from the 'lunch time supervisors' downstairs! She went on to confess what she did when she was at school. The class stopped, worrying about what she was going to say, and if a letter to Jules would be warranted! "I made biscuits for all my teachers".

Sarah then gave up with the lesson, slammed on some Peter Vardy and put her feet up on the desk- oh how she laughed! It is a well known fact that Sarah laughs at people's clothes - however admitted today she only has one mirror in her house - won't go on to reveal where its located.

So I leave you looking forward to tomorrow - and what Sarah will be wearing - I think the French Maid Outfit may be making an appearence whilst the year 7's 'get to know her'!

Much Love

DPF x

Right so

we all know the lovely Sarah Hall hasn't been her usual self recently (loud, entertaining, singing, dancing, etc, etc) and it's depressing to see. So I thought I'd anonymously write a little something to attempt to cheer her up if ever she stumbles across this probably illegal and definitely weird blog.



Personally, when I get a little bit depressed, I just get in the bath (you should all know who this is by now) with a nice glass of wine and read some Plath (right, so you should definitely know who this is by now). But I understand that the mixture of water, wine and Plath isn't the best combination for our Sarah, as an Atheist I don't think she'd appreciate the correlation between the water and the wine. However, you do need to cheer up Sarah. I recommend you down a bottle of Bombay Sapphire, shove a bit of that cringeworthy drivel that you call Glee on and look out of your window to the window of Didsbury. That's another thing, you live in DIDSBURY. You should be happy, think of all those people that live round the corner in Levenshulme or down the motorway in Middleton, you should be grateful to live in such a nice place, that should be enough to keep you happy.



You could even eat some of those Kosher beans and Ryvita style crackers that are just casually chillin' in the RS offices, although when you do taste them I hope you realise why Christianity is such a better Religion than that Jewish Malarkey. On a serious note though, cheer up Miss Atheist. I'm looking forward to spending some QUALITEH time with you in Church tomorrow and don't forget the LOYALTEH that we share for each other.



And if you ever feel down and have nobody to turn to, remember that the little Northern Irish cherub Miss Jamison is only a few steps away. If all else fails, read some Wilfred Owen or speak to Miss Nelson for an hour, they'll cheer you up...

Its been a Sad day for Sarah Hall...

What with the stress of the Hindu dancer yesterday (of which she very nearly mentioned in the press release,) and of course the lack of her year 13 form: 13SRH. Fact of the matter is, today she seemed almost as if she was going to go home a drink herself into an early grave, infact; im quite sure was demanding gin at some point in the afternoon.

No, the first thing I can see when I think of our atheists antics today, was of course when she used her own keys against me - I say me, it was more the class, and actually she just stood there and tryed to do her scariest threatening look whilst holding a key at arms length (Sazz is yet to understand that her face is scary enough already without the half laughing half angry smile she insists is threatening.)

Its a shame that this picture dosn't portray the
rather clashing purple tights she tried to pull off.
Quirky? hmmm. What would Gok say?

This however was not one of her random moments (which usually consists of singing and dancing) no, this one was a follow up to her NDE - Near Death Experience, for those that suffered through those year 10 lessons, oh so many years ago. Sarah was casually strolling across tesco carpark back to her red mini cooper with shopping in hand (I dread to think what..) only to be advanced by a couple of men wearing balaclavas, this however, was not going to shake our Sarah, - not even the crow bar in the hands of one of the masked men effected her. (Yes, we can only assume that she was pissed and didn't know what was going on.) Luckily for her, she has one of the loudest voices Oldham has ever had to listen to, and that was something the men were not expecting. As they advanced her and demanded the keys to her car: She recalls: "I charged at them, I had my keys between my fingers like so (Click on photo at this point) and cut the arm of the crow bar man, he dropped the crow bar and before I had time to pick it up to twat the bastard they'd gone. - The police came after taking there time and asked me if i could remember a description." At this point, Sarah we assume was legless after downing the rest of the vodka she'd just purchased from Tesco. She informed the police "well, they had gloves and balaclava on didn't they you twit." 

The car that the men managed to get away in was tracked down later to Stockport and in the boot of the car was a clone number plate for the very one on the back of Sazz's red mini cooper. Now, I'm sure that this isn't the case, but I'm just putting it out there if this was back in the day when our Sarah was single - Could it have been Dan who tried to steal her car? is that still his plot? is he just using her now to get hold of the car? - its the only logical explanation for their relationship surely! Just putting that out there.

(of course, I do admire Sarah, and erm, sure that her relationship isn't a sham.) (noted: I admire Dan more for putting up with her.) 

Peace out hoes, L.

Greedy Year 7's.

I don't know weather I felt joy or sadness when I arrived at school this morning. After arriving late, I signed in as soon as I came within Blue Coats walls and ran straight up to NE24 to get on with my theology lesson, only to be greeted by an empty room, and so I popped my head round the office door and it was as empty as Sarah's heart. After checking round, I was reminded that today our very own atheist was preaching to the kids. 


It wasn't until 2:10 that I was met by this face at the back gates: 

Sarah's stressed face is hiding the bandanna/scalf
that was sticking out of her hair, 
it was blue of course as were
all of her accessories today. 
 We are yet to see an accessory
worn twice so far this term
 (since she knew we were checking)

The colour coordination for once wasn't the first thing to catch my eye (strike me with anger) but it was the stress that was written all over her face. Sazz had spent the day looking after the Year 7's and teaching them some stuff about cultures. (we can only assume that she spent about 10 minutes on different religion, but as soon as it got to Judaism she didn't shut up and got the holiday snaps out.)  
After a few minutes catching up on how Miss Hall had spent her day, she went on to tell me the story; with tears in her eyes - of the late Hindu dancer (late as in: time of arrival - not dead.) 
In her native Somerset accent "you'll never guess what, the Hindu dancer was supposed to come at 10 to 10, she didn't even get there till 11:10" - clearly the strain of the Hindu dancer was a heavy burden on her broad shoulders and the thought of going back to Oldham Parish Church was clearly not a thought she was hoping for any time soon.

After the R.S department and Mr Ford paved the way for the year 7's save journey to the church, Sarah was seen strolling along behind pushing the responsibility of the children onto her colleagues, rumours suggest that she was too busy googling "sluty maid outfit" on her phone to notice that there were two forms missing on arrival at the church. 
In conclusion, the time that was spent with Sazz today was horrendous. She was last seen flirting with pastor Denis, my heart goes out to Dan at this moment in time. 

Love to all readers, Luce x

A Letter To Dan

(Background - Dan is Sarah's 'bit on the side' - the town planner who she loves dearly - her other quarter - me being the other quarter to make the half. The question is, is Dan short for Daniel or Danielle?)

Dear Dan,

Sarah has been in my life now for three years. We hated her at first - her shouting, swearing, insulting manner got all too much for some members of the form. Two of the forms brightest, most promising students left because of her, trying to make it in the music business. She only sent select members of the form Christmas cards, she told the future head girl she looked like a prostitute, and she asked John "are you tanned or just dirty". She left a lot to be desired.

But we grew to love her! Oh how we have laughed throwing insults around, counting references of Chocolate and Lance Armstrong. How we have cried over together when Lauren left. How we have sung together, danced together, marked year 10 books together!

Sarah has been there for the good times, bad times and funny times. Yet I failed her unit in Philosophy. This tested our bond, but we pulled through!

My question to you is Dan, when will you put a ring (another) on this creature? And when you do, can I be best man?

The future is bright, your future is with Sarah!

Fondest Regards,

Dan(DPF - the one who bought the Gin and used my contact to get a signed hairspray program)

Continuing the theme ...

This blog is purely fiction and made up for entertainment purposes, we have no evidence to support any of our allegations.

So the other day we talked about sarahs illustrious "Dan " ...

It's one thing to question his existence, but it's another to question sarahs attraction to any other male under the age of 30. It's been noticed in the past few weeks that sarah has a few "Boyfriends"

Now it's not fair to point fingers, but we all know who were talking about, in sarahs words "You know, the bald remedial one (Insert crazy eyes)" ...

Sarah needs to make a commitment, all this talk about boyfriends and babies recently -

Is she trying to tell us something?
Has someone made 'an offer' ?

Who knows ... But we want answers !

Outfit of the day along with a few other of sarahs numbers;

How do you know ?

Today's form songs ( don't stop believing - Glee, Happy Birthday)

BREAKING NEWS - COLTS BIRTHDAY !

Form time today was TENSE - Everyone waited with baited breath for the arrival of colt, the reason for this, Saz bought cookies. But there was a clause, before we could eat - we had to sing.

What a surprise, Sarah and singing. Nothing new there ...

Turns out thought, Sophie's stomach got the better of her. Driven by hunger and madness she forced saz into submission and made her share the goods.

The highlight would have to be one little conversation.

Sarah: Surprise surprise Sophie, heading straight for the cookies?

Sophie: Say's you, I thought you were pregnant with that stomach, but your just fat.

Sarah: How do you know I'm not pregnant?

Sophie: Well... you are a lesbian aren't you?

The question everyone is asking ... Is she or isn't she ?


We know she has a boyfriend, the famous "Dan" but has anyone ever seen him in the flesh? that picture on her phone could be anyone... and she regularly comes out with quite harsh words when speaking about men, for example "Men are knobs of butter. Just remove the butter."

How different the world would be if Freud had studied Sarah Hall instead of Sergei Pankejeff (Wolfman)...

The rest of form time was taken up listening to music on YouTube and we got Blue Coat and Sarah Hall's original form member, the much loved Alex Crompton... she referred to Crommy's Music (well respected on the streets of Greater Manchester) as "just noise" and demanded that Liam Corless turned it off immediately.

Take a listen to Blue Coats favourite M.C Crommy her

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens ...

When I wake up in the morning to the harsh shrill of my alarm clock, I pose one question to myself ... "What will Sarah be singing today?" - After walking into form it was'nt long before I received my answer ...

To be fair; I think being greeted by a rendition of July Andrews would make anyone's day, but sung so professionally, one could not help but want to sing along.

Although Sazz's day got off to a slow start, first period worship really got her going - not just for the fact she got all of the six forms attention (She craves attention) But for the fact she got to talk about her favourite subject - The Jews. We all know Sazz can't go a day without bringing up something to do with the Hebrews, or pronouncing something in a queer accent. "torrr(roll the R)rahhhhhh"

It's also worth noting the during her little game - Her (Unhealthy) Obsession with Mat Baker made a reappearance in the form of a picture lovingly cut into the shape of a heart. Everyones response to this "What the hell ?"

"Sarah, you look like a prostitute" - Miss Hall representing her swastika dress, which she insists was actually a Hindu peace sign, though the photo does not show it (better quality will be used in future) she is wearing ridiculous blue tights with stars on which are so loud its hard to hear her singing over them. Apparently she's bought plenty of new jewellery so she wont be caught out wearing the same thing twice a term.. we WILL catch her out though.

In other more recent news; Sazz declared that she believes cheese crisps (in particular do-ri-tos") are the work of the devil, and that the idea of a doritos Friday is out of the question for her year 13 theology class. 

Sarah Hall Leads Worship

Today, the delightful SRH lead a fascinating and interesting 'worship' session in order to prove to the SMT she does care as much about the school as she does her form. It involved dressing the lovely Lucy up in religious items, Lucy has to be the one who dressed up, as we couldn't get the tallit to wrap around Drew's arm.

She failed to mention that she prepared it at 10pm last night, and really couldn't give a s***!

Later in form, she had ANOTHER male caller - this time not a PE teacher, and we caught her drooling over image of Matt Baker wearing nothing more than some sequinned trunks.

Just another day in the life of Sarah Hall!

(And just to clarify, we don't hold hands)

Urban Dictionary defines Saz as...

"A saz is someone who is kind amazing and intelligent. All the boys love her." - It however later goes on in another entry to describe her as "amazing. quite ugly. easily amused. likes babies and children in general. hates newsround. does absolutely no work when shes supposed, or even when shs not supposed to." - I guess theres bits of truth in both posts... You decide which one you agree with.

Sarah "Looking seductive with her Phyalis"
New necklace, and big flower on her top. Same orange bracelet.  

After spending a couple of minutes with Saz at lunch today I began to tell her the story of my Sunday night listening to a professional story teller, she very rudely interrupted me telling me about her plans for Halloween, it would seem our Sarah is partial to a ghost walk after falling in love with a evil pirate in St Ives, she showed me and told me about Flecky Bennett's Manchester Rat People walk where her and the infamous Danny will be spending the evening. She then broke out into dancing to thriller, (no surprise, it happens far more often than it should) and told me that she'd spent her evening working out the dance moves with Danny. She apologised for the state she was in after crashing Drews' 18th and says she wont try and hold DPF's hand again, after the way he reacted in his almost Antonia like state.  

"She is as much as a lesbian as I am Christian"

Sarah's outfit of the day, note the "Sarah" necklace she is wearing
as we are going to start counting how many day's a month she wears it.

Miss Hall was seen today acting out a wedding ceremony with Miss Jameson in the privacy of her class room; pretending to be a bride and singing I'll do anything for you. Its also known that due to her feeling the necessity to sing all the time, she has been missing junctions on the motorway, and we estimate that on average she's been doubling her usual price of petrol; last nights song was "Defying Gravity." She is also said to be turning up to Sophie Drews' 18th tonight and hitting the streets.

What is the Sarah Hall Show?

Students, friends and enemies of Sarah Hall have decided to combine stories and cherished tales of admiration towards everyones favourite head of Religious Studies; the all singing, all dancing Buddhist, yes, the Israelite that is Sarah Hall.


The blog will contain a daily photo of Sarah, titled unimaginatively: "The Outfit of the Day." The occasional video and will always share a short story, anecdote and some of the best quotes and quips of the legend that is SRH.


Feel free to email some of your own favourite antics of Sarah to lucytrewinnard@Gmail.com & if they're acceptable I'll put them on! (even if their unacceptable, they'll probably still end up on here.) Or tell a Rob Smith, DPF, Katie Atkin or Colt May.

Myself and SRH - Blog Day 1.

Just always remember guys, as she would sing "we're all in this together!"